Surprise is an interesting emotion. Unlike disgust, which carries a negative theme, or happiness, which emotes a positive feeling. Surprise is an emotion that can go either way, positive or negative, and can also shift from negative to positive in the blink of an eye.
Here is an example:
“Surprise, you are getting a raise!” Unexpected and positive. How fun!
“Surprise, we are downsizing and your services are no longer needed.” Unexpected and negative. Not so much fun.
I can even recall when my wife Kim told me we were going to have our third child around over 30 years ago… ”Surprise, I am pregnant!” I think those were her words.
“Holy Crap!” This was unexpected and I had a feeling of fear, replaced in a nanosecond by a feeling of overwhelming joy. Then, “Really, that is amazing!” followed by an unexplainable feeling of love and closeness with my spouse.
Surprise has a way of intensifying our other emotions
According to Ingred Fatell Lee, author of the book Joyful: The Surprising Power Of Ordinary Things To Create Extraordinary Happiness, the element of surprise acts like a magnifying glass for joy by giving the tiny pleasure heightened significance.
Surprise is one of the six primary emotions identified by psychologist Paul Ekman and is necessary for a human because it can quickly divert our attention from one thing to another. Surprise is a kind of warning signal to say “Hey, pay attention to this new thing, that other thing you were concentrating on needs to be unprioritized, and this new thing needs some focus.”
Surprise ranges in intensity from amazement to a mild distraction.
I Was Surprised
I once had a conversation with a friend who was trying to get a better idea of what my coaching business was all about. “Tell me what you do again?” he asked.
“In a nutshell, I help people get an idea of what their leadership looks like,” I told him. “By using some assessments, and interviewing people they interact with, I give them a mosaic of what their leadership looks like. I then come alongside them and help them make any changes they see in their approach.”
“And they pay you for that?” He said to me, rather surprised! “Sounds like you get paid to be people’s friend.”
Interestingly, I had just read an interesting and quite provocative article by Christopher Shelly titled “A Friend Officiated Our Wedding And Now My Husband’s Dead.” (Isn’t that title a bit surprising?) Here is a link to the article if you are interested: A Friend Officiated Our Wedding And Now My Husband’s Dead.
To save money this couple….
Hired a friend to officiate their wedding. It is a disaster, but they saved money.
Hired a friend to cater the reception. It is a disaster, but they saved money.
Hired a friend to fix the transmission in their car. It is a disaster but they saved money.
Hired a friend to do open heart surgery on her new husband….
I think you can see where this is going.
I once heard Dave Ramsey, the author of Total Money Makeover, say, “If you own a $200 car then you can afford to try and fix it yourself. If you own a $20,000 car then you probably should have a professional work on it.”
Like this, can you coach people in your own organization? Sure you can! And I would even argue that a culture of coaching in an organization is a very positive thing. Don’t be surprised. When you need a professional, hire one.