Unlocking Change: Understanding Your Team's Change Style

Slow down, take a deep breath, and think for a minute about this question:

As a leader, what is the single most important thing you are trying to change in your organization?

Do you have that ONE thing in mind? Now write it down.

In my work as an organizational consultant and executive coach, I often work with leaders who have several things they are trying to change at the same time. They are trying to make their organization more efficient and more focused, and they want to have their employees think in a new or different way.

It would be fairly easy to lead if you only had to make one change at a time, and you could do this linearly and synchronously. No one I know in leadership has this luxury though.

Change is all around you, coming at you from every side:

• Budgets change

• People change

• Expectations change

• Visions change

• Customers change

• Products change

• Regulations change

• Bosses’ minds change

Often all of these types of changes can happen at the same time. Sometimes you are in complete control of these changes, and other times you feel like you are in more of a reactionary position.

No matter the position you find yourself in, as a leader, one thing is clear, part of your calling is to be able and willing to change.

Style Preferences:

One of the things I have been thinking more about over the past several months is not necessarily the types of changes or even my level of control over them, but more so about how my team members and customers approach change in general. In our organization, we have a lot of changes going on sometimes all at once:

• We add new team members

• We launch new websites

• We take on more projects

• We add new courses to our teaching repertoire

• We start to do executive coaching in new industries and with new clients

Change is everywhere.

However, I have been trying to focus less on the “what” that is changing and more on the “how” each person on my team responds to change.

Let’s face it. Some of you are change junkies. Change gives your brain a huge dopamine rush and you get an overwhelmingly positive feeling when things are changing. Some of you like to move so fast that you end up getting several steps ahead of everyone else and you are forced to slow down or lose others completely. Others of you realize that change is imminent, but you have more of a slow-and-steady-wins-the-race approach.

Experts on change agree that while there is no one-style-fits-all approach, each of us has our own approach that we are more comfortable with when it comes to change.

Change Style Indicator:

A tool that I use to better understand the change styles of my team is the “Change Style Indicator”. This is a simple and easy-to-use assessment you can look up online that gives people a glimpse into their style preferences when they are faced with change. The assessment takes less than 10 minutes to complete, then you are scored on a change style continuum of three styles that represent distinct approaches when responding to change. The continuum ranges from a Conserver Style to an Originator Style, to a Pragmatists Style, occupying the middle range of the continuum.

I have found that working with my team in light of this assessment has helped us to manage all the changes we are facing more productively. While this tool does not give any indication of whether or not we are good at change, or even if our styles are effective for the type of changes we are facing, what it does for me as a leader is:

• Allow me to approach everyone on my team as an individual in the ways they like to approach change

• Get a better feel for the underlying emotions and anxieties associated with the change

• Better understand some of the natural conflicts that arise between team members based on the changes they are facing

• Get better at responding, helping to enhance collaboration, and even encouraging the team to innovate more

I asked a member of my team to answer a few questions about their perspective on the Change Style Indicator.

1. How easy was this assessment to take and how long did it take you to complete it?

   It only took me about 15 minutes, including the time to read the instructions. The questions are straightforward and ask you for the response that immediately comes to mind. There are no "right" or "wrong" answers, you are just asked to be candid in your responses.

2. What is one thing that you learned about yourself from the assessment that you didn’t already know?

   I have utilized several personality and communication style assessments, but I've never taken one directly related to dealing with change. I enjoyed reading the detailed results report, which indicated I am a "Pragmatist" with a "Conserver" orientation. This means that I prefer the kind of change that happens for practical reasons, and I want to make sure any change is a group effort, keeping in mind what is best for the team.

3. How can you see yourself using this assessment as you influence others on our team?

   The results report provided a useful outline of my strengths and weaknesses when dealing with change. This is helpful for my work in the future as it gives me tools to explain to other team members how I can best contribute to change within our organization. If everyone on my team utilizes the Change Style Indicator, it can help us when planning our work so that the assignments and expectations are tailored to suit the strengths and weaknesses of each team member.

4. What advice would you give to someone who wanted to be more influential as a leader in their organization?

   Self-awareness is an essential skill for any leader. When working with a team, you not only have to understand yourself but you have to also be able to adapt your style when necessary to get the best results with your group. The Change Style Indicator is a useful key to self-awareness in managing organizational change.

Simple tools like this can be quite effective in helping us as leaders to assess our teams and what the best approaches might be to maximize our change opportunities.

Takeaway:

Go back to the change that you wrote down at the beginning of this post. Now think about all the people on your team who are affected by that change. What words would you use to describe the way they approach change? I think taking some time and assessing how people respond to change can make all the difference in how effective we are as leaders in making change happen.

Unlocking Leadership Potential: The Power of Self-Awareness

In the world of leadership, self-awareness stands as the cornerstone of personal and professional growth. Picture encountering someone who seems completely out of sync with their surroundings. Once, a client shared an experience at a business conference that sparked a profound reflection on the significance of self-awareness, especially in leadership contexts.

At this conference, my client encountered a CEO who exuded brilliance in strategy and charisma on stage. However, in person, this CEO appeared aloof and dismissive, barely acknowledging others and disregarding their ideas. During a panel discussion, instead of engaging with the topic, he delved into a monologue about his achievements, oblivious to the discussion's direction. This lack of awareness was evident in his interactions; he seemed disconnected from his team, unaware of their personalities, and disinterested in their concerns.

Self-aware leaders, in contrast, foster strong relationships, cultivate trust, and promote collaboration. They understand their strengths and weaknesses, complementing their skills with others. They navigate complexities with empathy, knowing when to listen and when to assert themselves.

Self-Awareness

Take a moment to reflect on your self-awareness. Can you recognize how your actions impact others? Are you open to feedback and willing to adapt? Are you building meaningful connections with your team?

Here are six critical self-awareness skills for leaders to develop:

1. Identifying Emotions and Their Impact: Understand how your emotions influence your actions and their repercussions on your team.

2. Confident Expression of Feelings: Communicate your thoughts and feelings confidently while considering their impact on others.

3. Creating Vulnerability in Relationships: Foster trust by showing authenticity and vulnerability in your interactions.

4. Understanding Emotional Influence on Decisions: Recognize how emotions influence your decision-making process.

5. Recognizing Coping Mechanisms: Develop effective coping mechanisms to handle stress and communicate them to your team.

6. Prioritizing Joy: Identify and prioritize activities that bring you joy, ensuring a healthy work-life balance.

   Are you interested in exploring self-awareness and leadership further? Check out an insightful podcast from last year put on by EQ-i-certified practitioners Kristin Bartholomew & Tara Rumler, delving into self-actualization in the context of parenting—a quintessential leadership role.

   Embrace self-awareness, unlock your leadership potential, and pave the way for personal and organizational success.

Embracing Growth: Understanding the Dynamics of Personal Change

In my coaching practice, a common inquiry I encounter is, “Can people truly change?” It's a query that resonates deeply, especially in organizational settings where the belief persists that individuals are inherently static, like leopards unable to alter their spots. However, science tells us otherwise. With every cell in our bodies regenerating every 7 to 10 years, the potential for change is undeniable.

But beyond the capability for change lies a more nuanced question, “Can people choose to grow?” The answer lies in individual agency and the conscious decision to evolve. Yet, amidst this journey of self-transformation, a crucial consideration emerges.

Will others acknowledge and accept this change?

Reflecting on my experiences, I've witnessed individuals navigating profound transformations for various reasons, encapsulated by three key motivations:

1. Intentional Evolution: Often, the motivation for change arises from a dissonance between one's intentions and their impact. An example is someone whose communication style inadvertently fosters misunderstanding despite their genuine intentions. Recognizing this misalignment can serve as a potent catalyst for personal evolution.

2. The Threshold of Pain: For many, change becomes imperative when the status quo no longer serves their aspirations. Whether escaping toxic relationships or unfulfilling careers, the discomfort of stagnation propels individuals towards transformative action.

3. Aspiration for More: Some individuals aspire for a life of greater significance, driven by an insatiable thirst for growth and opportunity. However, entrenched perceptions and past reputations can impede their trajectory, necessitating organizational support and recognition of their potential.

Despite the myriad of motivations driving personal change, the true litmus test lies in our capacity to accept and embrace these transformations. While we may profess openness to change, implicit biases and entrenched beliefs often cloud our perceptions, hindering genuine acceptance.

Ultimately, the responsibility rests not on changing others but on understanding and supporting their journey towards self-realization. By fostering environments conducive to growth and acknowledging the multifaceted nature of personal evolution, we can cultivate a culture of acceptance and empowerment.

So, the next time you ponder the question of change, perhaps shift the focus inward.

Can you wholeheartedly embrace the transformative journey of those around you?

After all, the true measure of change lies not in its occurrence but in our willingness to embrace it.

Valentine’s Day Is Around the Corner!

I truly understand that we are all juggling so many things, but amidst our busy schedules, it is crucial not to overlook the most significant relationships in our lives. What I truly appreciate about this coming Valentine's Day is the intentionality it encourages.

Valentine's Day is not just about romance; in my life, it is a chance for me to honor the women who hold special places in my life. Each relationship is unique and precious, and on this day, I make it a point to show them how much they mean to me. Whether it's a small gesture or a heartfelt expression, I ensure they feel cherished and valued.

Being Intentional

Reflecting on recent years, I have come to appreciate the true value of all of my relationships. I'll admit, there were times when I prioritized money or business over connections, but I've since realized the importance of being intentional. While work is essential to me, it's not my sole focus anymore. Now, my priority lies in nurturing meaningful relationships.

This Valentine's Day, I'm committed to fostering strong emotional connections. Being intentional means aligning my actions with what truly matters to me and ensuring my relationships thrive.

Emotional Communication

While gifts like flowers or chocolates are thoughtful, they sometimes fall short of expressing our genuine feelings. Instead of solely relying on material tokens, why not delve deeper into emotional connection?

Consider going the extra mile by creating something meaningful for those important to you in your life. Whether it's crafting a poem or taking on a task for them, your effort speaks volumes. Emotional connection thrives on thoughtfulness and attentiveness.

Creating shared experiences is key. From planning a Valentine's Day dinner together to setting the table and preparing the meal as a team, these moments can foster deep emotional connections. It's not always about serious conversations; sometimes, it's the mundane details that strengthen our bonds.

This Valentine's Day, let's prioritize meaningful connections over grand gestures to everyone important in our lives. Whether it's through small talk or shared experiences, the essence lies in being present and attentive. Happy Valentine's Day on Wednesday!

Unleashing Creativity: A 3-Step Formula for a Productivity Recharge

Question: When was the last time you truly experienced a productivity recharge?

In a society that values knowledge work, creativity is at the heart of what we do. While the term creativity often conjures images of painters and sculptors, it is essential for everyone, including scientists, technologists, and leaders, to recognize and harness their creative potential.

Once, I had a conversation with one of my graduate students who felt overwhelmed and burned out, struggling to complete a research project on time. The realization struck me that more time and effort don't necessarily translate to creativity or effectiveness; they just mean more time and effort.

As knowledge workers, we must admit that there is a limit to how much we can achieve before our minds need a recharge. Athletes understand this concept well—they work hard during peak performance times and then allow their bodies to rest. Similarly, renowned writers like J.R.R. Tolkien and Victor Hugo found inspiration in balancing intense work with rejuvenating activities, things such as long walks.

Margaret Moussa, Maria-Estella Varua, and Matthew Wright's research on knowledge workers emphasizes the importance of self-efficacy and well-being. As leaders, we must ask ourselves whether we can continue treating knowledge workers the same way as traditional productivity workers. Simultaneously, as knowledge workers, we need to question the expectation of cramming more into our days without considering the impact on output quality.

3-STEP Reset Process

Here are three things that I try to do when I feel like I need a productivity reset:

1. Read. Nothing stimulates productivity like reading. When faced with writer's block, delving into poetry or fiction can reignite creative thinking.
   

2. Walk. While exercise is essential, focused workouts may not be the best for generating creative thoughts. A simple walk in nature, basking in the sun, allows creative energy to flow effortlessly.
   

3. Phone a Friend. Community and conversation are powerful catalysts for creativity. Engaging with a coach or a coaching group can provide the inspiration needed to fuel the creative process.

So, as leaders and knowledge workers, our focus should shift from merely measuring productivity to practicing self-care. Activities like reading, taking a walk, or participating in our communities contribute to gaining wisdom, ultimately leading to increased productivity as a natural by-product.

In short, I think it is time to step back and prioritize some self-care, and, who knows, a productivity recharge or a creative breakthrough might just be a walk away!

Navigating Goal Challenges: 5 Reflections on the Journey to Personal Growth

Like many of you, I set ambitious goals for my business, career, and personal life last year. As we approach mid-January 2024, I took a moment to review and assess my progress. In sharing my reflections, I hope to offer insights gained from this reprocess.

The Main Goal: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Time-Bound

Setting a goal that is specific, measurable, achievable, and time-bound is crucial. However, sometimes the journey doesn't unfold as expected. A goal I had was that I aimed to consistently shoot in the mid-80s in golf, but my score of 95 left me frustrated and disappointed. If you're facing similar feelings about your goals, don't get discouraged. Growth often involves setbacks before progress.

5 Lessons I Learned from Not Meeting My Goal:

1. Development Reflection: I Changed My Tools.
   As I pursued improvement in my golf game, I encountered advice to upgrade my equipment. Reflecting on this, I realized that development takes time, and planning is essential. Allow yourself the grace to navigate through the inevitable time lag in achieving your expectations.

2. I Received Some Coaching.
   Improvement often requires guidance. Coaching, whether formal or informal, provides new ideas, practices, and accountability. When was the last time you sought feedback and embraced new approaches in your development journey?

3. I Did Not Practice Regularly Enough.
   Prioritizing practice is key to improvement. Busy months led me to neglect my golf practice, hindering my progress. If development is not a natural strength of yours, regular practice is essential. Consider the expectations you have for yourself and the importance of prioritizing your development.

4. Practicing Extremes.
   Distinguishing between practice and game time is crucial. I learned that taking extreme practice sessions into the game can yield different results. Finding the right balance between challenging practice and consistent performance is essential for sustainable growth.

5. Failure As Learning.
   Failure isn't the end; it's just a part of the learning process. While I still haven't hit my golf target yet, the journey has equipped me with the right tools, coaching, and mindset for a breakthrough. How do you view goals when facing setbacks? Optimism is a valuable skill in responding to challenges.

   Embrace Progress, Embrace Grace

   As we step into this new year, take a moment to revisit your development goals. Be honest in your review, and remember, it's never too late to give yourself grace and restart your progress. See you at the top!

The Impact of Being Versus Doing: Shaping Organizational Culture

Years ago, I was part of a workplace that cherished the cultural norm of "respect for people." This principle manifested in various positive ways, from empathy during times of personal loss to comprehensive support for parental leaves. It even translated into a performance-based pay system within this respectful environment.

However, the introduction of a leader with an agenda to a specific department disrupted this culture. Changes in performance standards were implemented selectively, causing confusion and dissatisfaction among employees. High-performing individuals received unwarranted low ratings, leading to chaos, fragmentation, and a significant shift away from the once-stable cultural norms.

Within six months, the entire department suffered drastic consequences, resulting in the replacement of the leader. What was once a high-performing organization had been completely dismantled by the actions of a single person. The impact of leadership on team development and organizational culture cannot be underestimated. When team members feel unsafe or undervalued, motivation dwindles, potentially leading to the loss of valuable talent.

So, how can leaders foster a culture that ensures both new and existing team members feel secure and motivated? Perhaps it's not solely about actions, but rather about embodying certain qualities. Focus on nurturing Emotional Intelligence (EI). This endeavor can significantly influence the culture you wish to instill, transforming desired behaviors from occasional acts into inherent traits.

Here are five attributes to embody that can profoundly shape your organization's culture:

1. Be Self-Aware: Understand and confidently navigate your emotions and their impact on the company. Being aware of your emotional responses allows you to consciously choose your reactions.

2. Be Assertive: Communicate clearly and consistently about what needs to be done, how, and why, ensuring the team understands your directives.

3. Be Empathetic: Extend compassion and flexibility, even in challenging situations. Empathy fosters an environment of safety and value among team members.

4. Be in Control: Base decisions on the company's mission and principles rather than impulsive emotional reactions, fostering trust and confidence within the team.

5. Be Optimistic: Embrace positivity and cultivate a mindset that sees setbacks as learning opportunities, inspiring your team through your optimism.

Reflect on these qualities and complete the following statement:

“I want to be more... so that my team can feel... and we'll create a culture that is..."

Share your thoughts with a mentor or coach for guidance. If you need support, feel free to share in the comments or contact me directly for further discussion and assistance. Let's work together to shape a culture that thrives on these principles.

Redefining Resolutions: Crafting Your Leadership Vision for 2024

Have you ever been told to eat more carrots for better vision? It was a common piece of advice from my mom when I was younger. Despite the wisdom, it didn't prevent me from needing sight correction as I grew older. Similarly, the new year is here and we're bombarded with advice on setting goals, but merely setting them isn't enough.

Sure, resolutions are about firm decisions, aiming to reshape aspects of our lives. Over time, I've crafted various New Year’s Resolutions spanning personal, professional, family, and spiritual realms—and I have always had great intentions. While there is nothing wrong with setting a goal, it can be a bit meaningless if it is not aligned with the vision of who you want to be as a leader. 

Your Future as a Leader

This year, consider adding a new dimension: leadership.

Imagine yourself evolving into the leader you aspire to be. Here are ten thoughts to fuel your contemplation on leadership resolutions for the upcoming year:

1. Reflect on becoming a great leader, identifying barriers hindering greatness.

2. Prioritize values over vision.

3. Balance work and contemplation; less doing, more thoughtful planning.

4. Define your personal value proposition, akin to a brand's identity.

5. Identify key networking opportunities within your organization.

6. Embrace FeedForward—offering solutions rather than just observations.

7. Break the cycle of negative thinking hindering progress.

8. Incorporate rest into your work routine for enhanced performance.

9. Assess emotional intelligence and its impact on reactions.

10. Develop a sustainable plan for change and seek coaching for accountability.

Embarking on this leadership journey, I anticipate sharing insights and exploring topics relevant to your interests. May this upcoming year be one of productive and effective leadership for you and your loved ones.

Wishing you and your families a new year filled with growth and success.

Having the Courage to Speak Truth to Power in Leadership

in the realm of leadership, a crucial yet daunting task is the ability to communicate truths that challenge the status quo. Henry Kissinger once remarked on the challenge young leaders face when delivering uncomfortable truths to those in positions of authority. This act of 'speaking truth to power' involves presenting contrary information up the hierarchical ladder, often met with potential repercussions that can range from rejection and dismissal to humiliation and isolation.

The weight of this challenge is considerable. Young leaders often find themselves at a crossroads, withholding essential information due to the fear of negative outcomes. However, there exists a significant upside to sharing concealed insights with a leader:

• Recognition for valuable input

• Inclusion in decision-making processes

• Appreciation for displaying courage

• Acknowledgment of one's contribution

Despite the inherent risk and tension in 'speaking truth to power,' it remains an essential responsibility, influenced by various factors:

• Organizational culture and its tolerance for information sharing

• Personal risk tolerance of young leaders

• The leader's historical response to different opinions

Receptivity of the Leader

The burden of initiating these difficult conversations can be likened to wearing a shirt made of lead. However, the duty lies not solely on the deliverer but also on the receiver—particularly senior leaders—to create an environment conducive to open communication. The senior leadership's ability to foster an atmosphere where individuals feel empowered to share crucial information plays a pivotal role.

In a fast-paced organizational landscape driven by a 'get-it-done-now' culture, the pressure to survive often eclipses the necessity to foster an environment of open dialogue and shared truths. As leaders, it becomes imperative to cultivate a culture and persona that welcomes diverse voices and viewpoints.

5 Actionable steps

Here are five actionable steps for leaders seeking to gather comprehensive information crucial for making well-informed decisions:

• Slow down your cadence: Rushing through decisions often leads to tunnel vision. Take deliberate pauses, allowing yourself to explore multiple possibilities.

• Cultivate curiosity: Suspend the need to assert your perspective immediately. Instead, invest effort in understanding others' viewpoints before forming conclusions.

• Express gratitude: Acknowledge and appreciate inputs, even if they challenge your assumptions. Simple acts of gratitude foster a more inclusive and respectful environment.

• Reflect: Engage in introspection at the end of each day. Analyze interactions objectively, focusing on understanding motives and responses without defensiveness.

• Develop your leadership soul: While intelligence and skills are crucial, investing in the inner growth of your leadership persona is equally vital. Explore avenues to nurture and develop your leadership essence.

In navigating the complexities of leadership, embracing the courage to voice uncomfortable truths while fostering an environment that is valuable to such conversations is pivotal. It's in this synergy of openness, reflection, and proactive development that leaders can truly cultivate an atmosphere where every voice is valued and heard.

Homework:

Select one action from the previously mentioned list and practice it consistently for a week. For instance, consciously express gratitude in every interaction or communication you have. Reflect on how this practice impacts your leadership approach, and share your experiences here.

Empowering Teams: Redefining Leadership in Times of Work Overload

As the year winds down and the festive season is here, it is common to witness a prevailing feeling among colleagues and team members. Many express sentiments such as:

• “Let's shelve this until next year; I'm at full capacity for now.”

• “Our team feels stretched thin with everything happening at the moment.”

• “There's an overflow of priorities on everyone's plate right now.”

• “I'm undervalued amidst the chaos; there seems to be a lack of recognition for the small but essential efforts. No one says thank you anymore.”

While reading this, reflect on how you and your team might be feeling:

• Overwhelmed?

• Underappreciated?

• Stressed for various reasons?

Job Crafting and The Research

Amidst these sentiments, a relatively new concept in leadership discussions has emerged—job crafting. This concept of job crafting has been hailed for fostering motivation, self-actualization, and a sense of purpose in work.

Research in The Leadership Quarterly by Elizabeth Solberg and Sut Wong delved into employees' perceptions of their ability to craft their roles amidst work overload. In simpler terms: Can individuals adjust their job responsibilities when feeling overloaded?

Job crafting is often seen as proactive behavior, reflecting self-initiation to instigate necessary changes. However, it is not always anticipative; rather, it is a response to the current workload. Reacting to the present workload seems more common than strategically shaping future responsibilities. The "tyranny of the moment" significantly influences our ability to craft our roles according to our needs.

The study highlights two crucial factors when employees feel overloaded: their perception of a positive resolution and the leader's need for structure.

Considering leadership and follower dynamics, accountability plays a pivotal role. Employees coping with work overload require both adaptability and the initiative to alleviate it.

However, it’s not just the follower's accountability that matters. The leader's control also significantly impacts the team. Research by Dragoni and Kuenzi suggests that leaders who display controlling behavior influence followers to exhibit less freedom or autonomy. Essentially, the more controlling the leader, the less likely the follower will exhibit the freedom to ease work overload.

In times of overwork and stress, maybe the blame doesn't entirely fall on the holiday season or even year-end tasks. Perhaps, it’s the leader's need for control. When leaders exude excessive control, it heightens the workload further, compelling followers to rely more on their guidance.

As a leader, consider this:

• How can you loosen control of the reins and empower your team?

• What value might granting your team more freedom bring to the overall effectiveness of your team?

I think that this holiday season, the gift of letting go of control might not only relieve stress for all but also foster a more empowered and productive team dynamic.

Mastering Sustainable Change: 5 Steps for Ongoing Success

In the hustle and bustle of this time of year, with Thanksgiving last week and Christmas and the Holidays ahead, many employees in the United States find themselves approaching performance review time in their professional lives. For over-achievers especially, this period can be filled with anticipation and anxiety. Despite pouring our best efforts into our daily tasks, the outcome we get might not always align with our perceived dedication and hard work.

Achieving recognition as a top performer at your workplace can often feel difficult to achieve, which leads us to a proactive question: "What changes can I make to secure more recognition next year?" However, sustaining change is not just about momentary shifts; it requires a strategic approach for lasting transformation.

Here Is Where We Enter the 5 Steps for Ongoing Success:

1. Crafting a Long-Term Value Proposition:

   It is crucial to recognize the lasting value of any change. This involves challenging our personal belief systems and understanding the long-term benefits of them, not just the short-term gains.

2. Experiment with New Behaviors:

   Rather than blindly adopting new behaviors, experimenting with various options allows for more informed decisions. This prevents the need to unlearn and relearn, ensuring the chosen behavior aligns with personal goals.

3. Embrace New Behaviors Across Diverse Settings:

   Embody and put into action these freshly adopted behaviors in a wide array of situations and environments. Sustainability thrives when new behaviors are practiced in different situations. Adapting new behaviors to diverse scenarios solidifies integration into daily routines.

4. Establishing Relational Feedback Loops:

   Change does not occur in isolation. Seeking feedback from various relationships provides valuable insights and fosters a supportive environment for habit formation.

5. Recognizing Milestones and Embracing Achievements:

   Celebrating milestones and acknowledging accomplishments are so important. Whether it is an individual triumph or a shared success, embracing progress significantly strengthens positive change.

Would you like to contribute more strategies for maintaining sustainable change? Feel free to share your insights or experiences in the comments below. Let's start a dialogue to nurture long-term, positive success.

Accountability and Compassion: Growing Together

Back in my youthful days, leafing through books wasn't my usual pastime. Enthralled by basketball, my world centered around watching the sport on TV or shooting hoops whenever I had a spare moment. However, a pivotal shift occurred when I found myself in Mrs. Katobi's fifth-grade class—an experience that fundamentally shaped my views on accountability and learning.

I vividly recall our conversation:

"What brings you joy?" she asked. "Sports. Especially basketball," I replied.

"Fantastic! Find a book about a basketball player and have a book report ready by Monday," she instructed.

“I don’t have any books on basketball players,” I confessed, assuming it would mark the end of our discussion.

"Alright," she said firmly, "I'll speak to your mother about a library visit." And she did.

Instead of hitting the court after school, my mother drove me to our local library. Mrs. Katobi had already alerted the librarian about my quest for a basketball-related book. Amidst the shelves brimming with literary treasures, picking just one amidst that sea of paper seemed daunting.

The librarian, from Peoria Heights Library, inquired, “Who is your favorite basketball player?”

“Wilt the Stilt Chamberlin,” I answered, not expecting to find anything on him and hoping to swiftly return to the court.

To my surprise, she located an autobiography titled 'Wilt: Just Like Any Other 7-Foot Black Millionaire Who Lives Next Door'.

I'll always be grateful to these two women—Mrs. Katobi and the librarian. They understood what I needed, cared enough to set high expectations, and held me accountable while offering support. Mrs. Katobi's initiative to contact my mother and the librarian alleviated obstacles, showcasing genuine care and support.

The Standard was set, accompanied by care and compassion.

the responsibility was now mine.

This scenario resonates with Paul Zak's insights in Harvard Business Review and the Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, highlighting the significance of oxytocin—a powerful neurochemical. Zak emphasizes that people's decisions to engage are voluntary, even in professional settings. Employees consciously choose where they work, driven by environments that promote oxytocin release through care and respect, or seek more affirming spaces elsewhere.

Zak's research underscores oxytocin as the biochemical foundation of the Golden Rule: "If you treat me well, my brain will synthesize oxytocin and motivate me to reciprocate."

I shared Zak's research on Emotional Intelligence with a client, leading to a discussion where accountability intertwined with empathy surfaced. Acknowledging the importance of setting clear goals and holding individuals accountable with care and empathy fosters engagement—this was our mutual understanding.

The story doesn't end there. Completing the book report, I assumed it marked the conclusion. However, Mrs. Katobi surprised us all. "Class," she announced the following week, "I've just read an intriguing report about a towering basketball player. Scott, come up and share what you learned about Wilt the Stilt."

When I finished, the applause echoed.

Zak's research indicates that celebrating success triggers oxytocin surges and the release of dopamine—a reinforcement chemical in the brain. I wonder if Mrs. Katobi knew she was nurturing a lifelong reader at that moment.

Reflecting on this, who at your workplace deserves empathetic acknowledgment? Whose achievements do you plan to celebrate soon?

If someone you know could benefit from contemplating caring accountability, why not share this blog post with them and initiate a discussion?

Transforming Work Relationships: The Power of Humble Inquiry

When a coaching client begins with, "I'm struggling with a person on my team, and our relationship isn't great. Can you give me some advice?" I know an interesting conversation is about to unfold. As a leadership coach, my approach focuses on delving deep into the individual's inner world to help them find the right responses and actions. Rather than serving as an oracle, I try to take on the role of an investigator, asking questions that will guide them toward their own self-discovery.

Unpacking the Complexity:

Conversations about work relationship challenges always lead me to a plethora of questions. Each question below aims to illuminate a different facet of the issue:

• Why is there a struggle?

  Understanding the root causes is always the first step toward resolving any difficulty.

• What about this person makes the situation challenging?

  Identifying specific issues can provide insights into potential solutions.

• Is this a recurring issue with others on the team?

  Exploring whether this is an isolated case or a pattern can be enlightening.

• How do you define a successful working relationship?

  Clarifying the desired outcome is crucial for setting the right goals.

• Do you have positive relationships with other team members?

  Contrasting problematic relationships with successful ones can reveal commonalities or differences between team members.

• Are there external factors affecting the relationship?

  Considering broader contexts can help uncover the bigger picture beyond individual dynamics.

  No matter which question I choose, the answers usually surprise me. For instance, in response to "Why is there a struggle?" I might hear, "This person reminds me of someone from my past who treated me horribly," or "They are a micromanager, so the further I stay away from them, the better."

The Hack: The Art of Humble Inquiry

To effectively coach in these situations, I follow Edgar Schein's concept of "Humble Inquiry." It's about asking questions without preconceived answers and with a genuine interest in the other person. This requires humbling myself, setting aside my needs, and focusing entirely on the person in front of me.

Humble Inquiry Questions

Humble Inquiry questions are simple, short, and open-ended. They ignite curiosity in the conversation. Here are 4 of my favorites:

1. Can you say more about that?

2. Can you tell me a little bit more?

3. Can you elaborate even further?

4. What was that like for you?

The goal is to encourage the client to unpack their thoughts and feelings. I'm constantly amazed at how exploring the deeper meaning of the question and answer takes the conversation to unexpected places, often full of surprises.

My Number one Tip for Strengthening Relationships

Invite them to lunch. It's that simple. Extend an invitation to the person with whom you're struggling to develop a better connection. The only objective is to get to know them better.

In one case study by Watland, Hallenbeck, & Kresse, (2008) police officers enrolled in an MBA program shared a meal together once a week. More than 69% of the participants indicated that their interactions with each other had positively affected the work of their department.

The initial interactions among participants were built on getting to know each other better. This soon translated to a deeper knowledge and level of trust and the group began relying on each other to solve problems in the work setting.

So, if you are struggling with a relationship, invite them to lunch! What harm can it do? While it may not solve all of your problems, I think you will find if you practice Humble Inquiry, it is a step in the right direction.

How Does Risk Impact Your Team's Productivity and Results?

Unlocking the Power of Risk and Understanding 8 Risk Types on Your Team

Do risk and reward go hand in hand, or does reward emerge as an outcome of taking risks? Imagine a scenario within your team where one member is a risk-taker, characterized as 'carefree,' while another is more risk-averse, categorized as 'wary.' Now, the team faces a crucial decision, whether it's about a product launch or structuring a presentation. In this setting, the carefree individual is eager to dive into action, while the wary team member advocates for a more cautious approach.

Team dynamics play a crucial role, and these differing risk preferences can tip the balance or lead to a standstill. Consequently, emotions can run high, and effective communication can become a challenge. The feeling of being stuck often has nothing to do with talent or skill. It stems from the varying risk tolerance of the team members. Risk introduces a unique emotional dimension, akin to the impact of change. Each one of us possesses a distinct risk threshold, and when that threshold is challenged, emotions, anxiety, and fear intensify, influencing our perception of risk in a given situation.

Understanding the 8 Risk Types

1. Excitable:

   This risk type combines impulsivity and attraction to risk with moments of distress and regret. Excitable people fluctuate between enthusiastic optimism and pessimistic negativity, often responding emotionally to events.

2. Intense:

   People falling into this category tend to be anxious and worrisome, always expecting the worst. They take decisions personally and can experience intense and drastic mood swings.

3. Wary:

   Characterized by self-discipline and a focus on risk, wary people are cautious, organized, and prioritize security. They seek predictability and may struggle with making decisions.

4. Prudent:

   Those in this category exhibit high self-control, preferring established procedures and a prudent, conservative approach. They are cautious and prefer familiarity.

5. Deliberate:

   Combining calm self-confidence with caution, these deliberate people are well-organized and systematic, balancing risk acceptance with a desire for preparation.

6. Composed:

   Cool-headed and unemotional, composed individuals remain optimistic and manage stress well. They are not overly impulsive or systematic.

7. Adventurous:

   Adventurous types combine impulsiveness with fearlessness, often disregarding convention. Their decision-making is influenced by a lack of anxiety and impulsivity.

8. Carefree:

   Disliking routine and authority, carefree individuals may appear reckless and impulsive. Their objectives may seem vague due to a lack of preparation.

These risk types are derived from the "Compass Risk Type Indicator" by Multi-Health Systems. Using this tool, you can assess the risk types of your team members and gain a comprehensive view of your team's risk profiles. By understanding these risk types, leaders can navigate team dynamics more effectively and leverage the unique risk profiles of each team member.

Nearly every decision involves an element of risk, and various factors influence an individual's willingness to take risks. As leaders, it is essential to be aware of how team members interpret and respond to risk, starting with self-awareness.

So, next time your team faces a decision-making deadlock, consider these risk types and explore whether differences in risk approach could be impacting the team’s productivity and results. Understanding and embracing these differences can be the key to unlocking your team's full potential.

The Secret to Self-Reflection

A while back, I had a conversation with a young man who was interested in applying for his first leadership role. This young soul recounted all of his accomplishments to me: bonuses earned, awards won, and recognition given to him by his organization for his outstanding performance.

As he continued to try and convince me that he was ready to take the next step, I sat back and thought, “Why is he trying to persuade me?”

The Conversation Was Quite One-Sided

As I continued to listen during the conversation, my thoughts turned and I realized that he was not trying to convince me, he was trying to convince himself. Even though he had received rewards and recognition, he knew in his heart of hearts that he was not ready for the role. His peers were being promoted all around him, and this caused him to take on their call as his own.

My role as a coach was not to judge whether he was ready or not, my role was to help him explore his reality so that he could make informed decisions about his own life. After he stopped talking, we ate in silence. A long and very uncomfortable pause ensued, and I said. “You're not ready.” My intention was not to judge him, but rather to shock his ignition and get him thinking.

He immediately became defensive. "What do you mean I am not ready?" he asked. Immediately, he launched into his list of accomplishments again. I let him go on until it seemed he was out of breath. When he finished I said, “You have all the WHAT that you need. You have all of your individual contributions. You have shown your skill and capability. I think you might be missing the HOW.”

“What Do You Mean by the How?”

When he asked me this, I turned to one of my favorite modern-day philosophers, Parker J. Palmer, who wrote, “I now know myself to be a person of weakness and strength, liability and giftedness, darkness and light. I now know that to be whole means to reject none of it, but to embrace all of it.”

My young friend was still trying to embrace all of his strengths as an individual contributor. He was still selling to himself the idea that these attributes were enough for him to lead others. He was also not being completely honest with himself or in his description of his accomplishments. He was grandstanding, and frankly, it made me uncomfortable just listening to it.

So I asked him, “Would you tell me about a time when you worked on a project that did NOT succeed?” Long silence again. I could tell he was stuck.

The thinking in his head must have been like a game of chess, calculating his next best move. He was probably thinking that if he told me about an unsuccessful project then he was admitting to failure and that he would look bad, but if he didn’t tell me anything, then he would look arrogant. I could just see the thoughts rolling around in his head like a pair of dice being shaken. I said, "You see, what Palmer is saying is that you have to know your whole self. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. Until you are ready to embrace your weaknesses, I don’t think you are ready to lead. Begin to think about HOW you accomplished your work, then frame your story around that.”

Self-Regard: The Ability to Respect and Accept Yourself

Self-regard essentially involves liking yourself the way you are. This competency ensures the leader has enough self-confidence that others would want to follow them. That their self-worth is balanced with enough empathy that the leader is going to be able to get through good times and bad.

Eleanor Roosevelt is famous for saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." People who have positive self-regard have a real sense of identity and work to overcome feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.

In order to lead others, you must have enough confidence to lead yourself. Then, you must have enough empathy to realize that leadership is not about your identity, but your relationships with your followers that matter. Appreciate your positive qualities, and accept your limitations. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Learn to like yourself. After all, if you don’t, why should they?

Reflection Question:

What value would it provide for you to understand your strengths, and what would it feel like for you to embrace your weaknesses?

If You Hate Change, You Are Not Doing It Right

I have to tip my cap to you! You read the title of this post, and even though it had the word change in it, you continued reading. As a reward, I want to present you with 6 strategies that will help you get your mind right when change is imminent in your life.

Over the past few years, my mantra for this topic of change has been that “people don’t resist change, they just resist being changed.”   We all know that our organizations have to change to stay competitive in the marketplace. How many of us go into a grocery store or a pharmacy and have the person checking us out actually press buttons to get the cash drawer to open?  Not many anymore, right? To that end, how many of you paid cash for any of your purchases last month? Times and technology change, and they change fast.

We don’t always resist change, but we tend to rebel against ourselves being changed. The idea of being changed means that we must leave behind the status quo to become something new. 

For example, I don’t resist the idea of needing to lose 10 pounds, but I don’t want to give up the potato chips that I eat with my lunch. I don’t resist the idea of needing to exercise, but I don’t want to get up an hour early to do it. I know I need to stay calm when something doesn’t go my way, but I don’t really want to make an appointment with a coach to work on my issues.

My 6 Strategies for Adapting to Change:

1. Get Your Mind Right. It is important for you to feel some positive emotions around your feelings of change. If you feel anxious, what do you need to do to turn this anxiety into a more positive sort of excitement?

   • Howard Gardner in his book Changing Minds reminds us to prepare for the barriers that will come when we make changes to ourselves.

   • Anticipate these obstacles and the emotions that will come with them. Then as they happen, you will not be surprised, and they will not have the triggering effect on you they otherwise could have had.

2. Commit to Being Changed. There is no better way to do this than to write it down. I think the first step after becoming aware of a change that you need to make is to commit to it.

   • Why not write down what is being changed and share it with a few people? Then you are held accountable.

3. Understand Your Change Preference.

   • Some of us actually love the idea of change and innovation. We are the first in line when new technology is launched. Others of us are much more conservative and we are more comfortable with what we already know and is predictable.

   • Where most of us actually sit though when it comes to our preferences around change is somewhere in the middle. Researchers call these folks pragmatists, and they might not be the ones who are first in line for new tech, but they certainly will buy the current model before the next one launches (or soon thereafter). 

4. Value Your Change Preference and Act. My good friend Joe Laipple in his book Rapid Change urges leaders to look for natural consequences when they are making changes. Part of valuing something is weighing the positive and negative attributes.

   • So those of you who hate change may appear cautious and you may move slowly so as to not be hurt by the change. However, on the flip side, you can be seen as inflexible and not wanting to work with others.

   • You all know the positive and negative sides of your change preferences, and you find a lot of value in your approach to change. So, with what you know about yourself, find some positive natural consequences while you are changing.

     • Rapid Change recommends things like having fun, making it easy, making it simple, making it quick, and having it feel effortless. As you are changing, the more simple and positive you keep it, the more your desire to act will be. 

5. Plan to Be Resilient. No change process ever goes 100% the way it was planned. There are always things that get in the way, barriers to overcome, and stressors that will try and limit your effectiveness. There are three big ideas to consider when it comes to being resilient:

   1. Stay committed. Life is meaningful even when it is hard. It was worth it for you to start the change, so stick with it.

   2. Stay challenged. Change is supposed to be hard, that is the whole point. Don’t quit because it is hard. Finish and celebrate how hard it was.

   3. Stay in control. With this change, you believe it is the right thing to do and you are making sure you will make a difference in the world. Do things like managing your impulses, getting enough sleep, and eating, right. Have some fun with the journey.

6. Celebrate Your Wins Often. We need to stop looking at change as an event and look at it as more of a process. Doctors do not give newly diagnosed diabetic patients shots of insulin for a month and then declare them cured. Diabetes treatment is a combination of behavioral changes that if implemented can extend a person's life because diabetes is chronic.

   • Change is more of a lifetime or a career process Since change often has a longer-term focus, ensure you are recording milestones and when you hit them, and taking the time to celebrate. However, if you don’t quite hit the milestones, why not celebrate the effort you put into trying to make it happen?

Patience and Urgency:

My encouragement for you as a leader is to embrace the feeling of being uncomfortable as you grow and have patience with yourself. If you are feeling resistance to a change, try turning it around so that the feeling becomes more positive and encouraging. As you do this, celebrate the fact that your emotions were telling you to stay where you were, but you saw the urgency and were able to overcome it and change. Remember, if you hate change, you are not doing it right!

How Grateful Are You?

The emotion of gratitude has received a lot of positive press in the last few years. There are many speakers who specialize in this topic, and on this day that we remember September 11, 2001, I want to share my appreciation for this powerful emotion. It was an unbelievable day 22 years ago that most of us who were alive for it will never forget. It is a reminder to practice being grateful for small things and big things every day.

My friend Ken shared his thoughts from his journal on gratitude with me a few years back, which I will share in this post with his permission. I think it might give you a chance to better experience and understand the emotion of gratitude for yourself. 

Gratitude

How do we express it? How do we make being grateful sincere? How grateful are you?

If we are not careful, a form of expression that we express as gratitude is really either appeasement or manipulation. Appeasement could be originally fleshed out as a child when they are told, “Go thank Mrs. Jones for making our family that peach cobbler.” So, we learn to say thank you to placate others.   

On the other hand, for example, we are told by others things like, “Oh, you are so great at writing speeches.” Then the request comes, “Can you help write this speech for me?” Because of that, we end up guarding ourselves against accepting gratitude, because it actually may end up requiring more work from us. We want to receive and express it but are uncertain on how to genuinely do so. 

Ken’s Story

Ken’s story is that he was at a loss for words because he had liver cancer and was in need of a transplant to save his life. I too was at a loss for words and wanted to explore how to express gratitude in this situation. Thank you Ken for your courage and willingness to share your story and to model for so many of us what it means to be grateful:

“On Sunday, January 19th we rushed to Tampa General Hospital as we were told a liver was available, then I was wheeled into surgery on Tuesday, January 21st.   

At times, modern medicine makes us think surgeries are commonplace. Yet it is almost impossible for me to fathom that a group of medical personnel that has successfully removed a liver from someone who had just died would exchange it for my cancerous liver.  How do I say thank you for that?  

The doctors continue to tell me that I am doing exceptionally well. That causes me to think my purpose for “doing well” is much different than the doctors’ purposes.  

Prayers are appreciated for pain relief, being able to sleep, and for overall healing. The doctors tell me that the first 3 months are very important in terms of my body not rejecting the new liver. The great news is that we are all on the right track.

I have so many people to thank. The medical personnel, many of whom I do not know, and my family and friends.  At this point in my early healing stage, simply talking has been extremely exhausting. 

I have, however, listened to every voicemail, read every text, and seen every card. Please know that as I have read each caring gesture, I have intentionally thought back to a time God used you in my life and I gave thanks to our Creator for you. Each and every one of you. 

That is how I have chosen to express my gratitude.  I have sincerely thanked God for each one of you.” 

The Power of Gratitude

I think you will agree with me that Ken has a lot to be grateful for. I think that we all have this powerful spirit within us. To be thankful. To be courageous. To celebrate.

You do not have to have had a liver transplant or go through a tragedy to be thankful and experience gratitude. I, for one, am grateful for you, the people who have crossed my path in life. You have added more joy to me than you will ever know.

Ken, I get it. I am grateful to God for just one more day to be alive and to be able to be in a relationship with other humans. Thank you, my friend, for your courage.

The Heroes of 9/11

I want to express thank you to the first responders and their dedication to assisting their community in a time of great distress. Thank you is not even a strong enough word to express Americans’ gratitude.

One one the worst days in America’s history saw some of the bravest acts in that same history. Americans everywhere have so much gratitude for your work and sacrifices and I pray for each and every one of you and your families. We will always honor the heroes of 9/11 with sincere gratitude for their acts of service.

Are You Happy With Your Level of Well-Being?

A client once said to me, "Scott, I realize I need to take better care of myself. When I do that, I am at my best. I have decided to do yoga when I get up in the morning and exercise again at noon. I am going to be more conscious of my diet and make better choices about what goes into my body."

When I probed for the reason, he continued.

"Recently, there has been a lot of negativity in my life and I am not going to allow it to get me down any longer. I am choosing to be the leader I want to be and not be a weak victim of my circumstances."

His decision prompted me to ask you a question:

How Are You, as a Leader, Focusing On Your Emotional Well-Being?

There’s a great story I know about two out of 180 nuns who were the subjects of a study on longevity and happiness. If you want all the details, you can read the book Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, for some interesting facts and percentages about the nuns.

Studies of longevity are very complex from a purely scientific standpoint. Causality is extremely difficult to make a case of. However, one of the reasons this study is so impactful is that nuns lead very similar lives. They eat basic food, they don’t smoke or drink alcohol and they have similar routines. Of course, there are differences such as intellect, depths of spirituality, and outlook on the future that could account for varied results in the study on the nuns.

However, none of these aspects made any difference in the research. In his book, Seligman points out that the largest contributor to their longevity was the sheer amount of positive feelings.

According to the National Wellness Institute, wellness is "an active process through which people become aware of, and then make choices toward, a more successful existence."

Four Things to Notice About Wellness:

• It is an active process. It is something you devote energy to making happen. It is intentional on your part as a leader.

• It starts with self-awareness. Are you aware of the moment when health choices present themselves?

• Wellness is a choice. You decide to be well in the moment or you decide to say “screw it” and become a victim of your circumstance.

• There is an end game. A successful existence. This is your life. You only get one. Why not make it the very best that it can be?

Emotional Intelligence and Well-Being:

One of the attributes we measure in Emotional Intelligence training is either happiness or well-being. In our model there are four factors that can comprise well-being:

1. Self-Regard: Believing in yourself and living according to your values.

2. Self-Actualization: A willingness to learn and grow in accordance with your beliefs.

3. Interpersonal Relationships: Engaging in mutually satisfying relationships.

4. Optimism: The ability to respond, recover, and claim a happy state from disappointments and setbacks in life.

Two Considerations for Evaluating Your Own Level of Well-Being:

1. The first is attempting to display as many of these four attributes as you can:

   • Believe in yourself and live according to your values.

   • Learn and grow in areas that really matter to you.

   • Have friends that reciprocate these areas.

   • Realize that things in life are not always going to go your way. What matters is how you respond when setbacks happen.

2. The second is to have a balance between these attributes:

   • For example, you want to make sure that your self-regard is balanced with your interpersonal relationships.

   • If you have a high level of self-regard and low levels of interpersonal relationships, you could come across as prideful.

   • If you have low levels of self-regard and high interpersonal relationships, then you could come across as needy and not fun to be around. It’s all about balance.

As You Think About the Successful Life You Want to Live as a Leader:

Are you choosing to maximize and balance these 4 attributes of emotional health?

What changes can you make to ensure that you have a good level of well-being and live a long and successful life?

Are Your Goals Making You SORE or Helping You SOAR?

Remember back in January when you had that new year motivation and fresh start attitude? You had all of this pent-up passion for making something change for 2023. You had the idea that something was going to be different this year from your previous rut.

Once you identified the “what” you wanted to change, your next step was to set some goals for yourself. Most of us set goals for work, travel, or even fitness.

Do you remember your goals from the beginning of this year? Do you remember where you wrote them down or typed them? Are they still in legible form or is the sticky note you wrote them on and put on the refrigerator now covered by last month's grocery list?

Have You Made Any Progress on the 2023 Goals You Set?

You might even have named your goals something like Key Results Area, Performance Management Objective, Personal Development Plan, or some other colloquial term that you or your organization or discipline uses.

It is now almost September, and it is time to go back and check in on what was important to you at the beginning of the year. Ask yourself, "Have I accomplished my goals, or did I get off track?”

It can be quite common for people to not to want to review the goals they set earlier in the year, especially if they know they have not made the progress they had hoped. The feeling of discouragement can become overwhelming when we see a lack of progress and we know we aren't where we had hoped to be by now when the goal was originally set.

Stay in the Game.

Discouragement can be devastating when it comes to goals. In my experience, it can be one of the hardest obstacles to overcome.

The goal had meaning and significance to you almost nine months ago, so it's time to start asking yourself some questions as to why you are not making progress on it this far into the year. I want you to know that YOU HAVE NOT failed! You have likely learned a lot in the last eight months about the goal and your progress if you stop and think about it for a bit.

An analogy came to me the other day that may have some application:

In January, you set your goal. Let's say you wanted to exercise three days a week for an hour. Think of this goal as getting on an airplane. You are all buckled in your seat and ready for take-off. You know the goal. It is written down and it actually feels secure and comfortable.

The plane starts down the runway, shakes, and surges as it gains speed. All of a sudden, it is February. You likely have taken a couple of steps toward goal attainment. You are gaining speed and you can feel the inertia of the plane starting to lift off. In regards to your goal, maybe you called around to see what gym would best fit your needs. You went out and bought new exercise clothes and maybe some shoes. The feeling and speed of the change felt good.

Then comes March. The plane reaches 30,000 feet, the seat belt sign turns off, and the plane levels out. And this is also where the exercise doldrums set in. You no longer feel the rush of take-off. You no longer can sense the speed of the plane. This is when goal attainment becomes difficult. This is when it feels like you are not making any progress at all.

This Feeling Is Not Real.

The interesting thing to me is the lie that our emotions give us in this context. While the positive dopamine feeling of starting to work on the goal may be long gone by next month, the important thing to realize is that the plane is still going 450 miles an hour even when you can’t feel it. You are still moving. You are still experiencing progress. Even though you have said goodbye to almost eight months of the year, you are STILL flying. Realize that your plane is still in the air. You have not crashed. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED!

Instead of assuming that you are way off track and that you've already failed, step back and look at your goal objectively. Think about the time when you set your goals — were they SMART goals?

Most likely you've heard this acronym here before and even used it when setting goals, but it is also helpful to use to check up on your goals or even get them back on track.

Was It…?

• Specific? When getting specific with your goal, don't just consider what your goal is, but why and how you want to achieve it. Perhaps you want to work on developing young leaders. Your why might be because you want to prepare them for more responsibility in the future and your how will be through professional development workshops or one-on-one mentoring sessions.

• Measurable? Are you able to see where you are right now and where you'll end up? If you are not able to track the progress of obtaining the goal along the way, you'll have a hard time seeing if you succeeded in the end or staying motivated along the way.

• Achievable and Realistic? I feel the A and R in the “SMART” acronym go hand in hand in some ways. When you figure out your goal, how to do it, and when to accomplish it, you have to think about the parameters and circumstances that you are working in that will make it possible. This isn't to discourage you from setting the goal, but rather to encourage you to think about how you will make sure you complete the goal and ensure that it's not out of reach or asking too much from your team.

  At this point, something may have come up this year that has changed your circumstances and deterred your goal. That's okay. Life happens. Instead of seeing it as a failure or no longer attainable, just think about what changes need to be made to your goal, the plan, or the timeline. Don't be tempted to start from scratch. Instead, make less work for yourself by simply re-evaluating and tweaking what's already in progress and steer it back on track.

• Time-bound? Some of you may have set goals that you've already completed, others might feel the pressure of the time ticking away. Use the time as positive pressure to get the work done, not to stress you out. If you feel constrained, give yourself a break and allow yourself more time. If it's a project with a deadline, reach out to your team or manager and see how you can work together to get it completed. Also, consider how you are using your time and what could be distracting you from focusing on your goal. What limits do you need to implement personally to give yourself time and focus to achieve this goal?

Most importantly, remember the WHY behind your goal and the reasons that motivated you to set it in the first place. Visualize what it will look like for you and your team when that goal is accomplished. Write this down and keep it somewhere you'll see it and can read it often. (Perhaps avoid the refrigerator this time!)

Keep yourself in the air and land that goal safely on the ground.

Homework:

Take a look at the goal you set at the beginning of the year. Grab a coach, mentor, or trusted advisor and share with them your SMART goal. Listen to any advice they have for you. Be encouraged by the progress you have made (even if it feels like you are flying in circles). Decide with your support system what steps you need to take to land your plane safely. Set up another meeting with them in November for a progress check and then in December for a celebration of your achievement.

Solving the Right Problem Using Emotional Intelligence

Lately, I have been really frustrated by something. In my work, it’s something I do quite a bit of and sometimes it is really hard.

Writing!

You’ve heard versions of this angst from nearly everyone who has to write anything for any reason. You’ve definitely heard it from bloggers, coaches, or students who have a thesis that is due.

It sounds something like one of these statements:

• “I want to write, but I am afraid I won’t know what to communicate.”

• “I have been able to write in the past, but now nothing is coming to me.”

• “Writing is a passion for me but I just don’t have the time right now.”

• “Who, me? Write? What would I say? Who would read it?”

As you read over this list of reasons for not writing, does anything jump out at you as your own?

I have a suggestion for you to consider anytime you are working on solving a problem and trying to figure out why you are frustrated.

In each of the examples above, there is either explicit or implied emotion attached to the “writer’s block.”

Feelings such as fear, anxiety, or frustration creep in and are communicating something to us. These emotions often accompany any problem we are trying to solve or any goal we are trying to achieve. In fact, these emotions are what make us human. Every thought we have, everything we experience, comes with a feeling.

For example, as I write this post on a beautiful morning, I have a cup of hot coffee sitting next to me. The sun is just coming up over the horizon with a hazy yellow intensity that somehow fades into the color blue as the light from the sun becomes more invisible to my eye. As I experience this, I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I am experiencing the sunrise and I feel grateful. The experience comes with an emotion.

You should try this simple exercise some time. See if you can become aware of the emotion you are feeling at any given moment. Maybe at your kids’ sporting activity this weekend, you become grateful that they can run and play. Perhaps you are attending a small gathering of close friends for the first time in a long time and you are feeling joy just being with people you love. Maybe you are doing some deep house cleaning, and you feel proud of yourself and the progress you are making.

Paying attention to our emotions can be really valuable for us. Not only when things seem good, like watching a beautiful sunrise, but also when they are not so good, such as when we have writer’s block and don’t know what to write about.

Emotions and PROBLEM-SOLVING

Your emotions are always communicating something to you. They are trying to tell you something about what you are currently experiencing or thinking.

What I have found is that when I am frustrated with writing, I am often not working on the right problem. The problem is not in my writing.

I wonder if you have ever experienced something similar? You might have a problem you are trying to resolve that is really frustrating, but then you realize that you are not trying to solve the right problem.

When I get writer's block, for example, the problem is rarely that I truly cannot write. The problem is that I have not been reading enough! For me, to be able to read means doing research, studying, and paying attention to what is going on around me. It is amazing to me that when I get the feeling that I cannot write, or that I am stuck, when I reframe the problem, the answer becomes more clear to me.

The problem is not that I cannot write. The problem is that I am so busy that I have not been reading or observing what is going on around me.

When I cannot write, I need to sit down and read. When I pay attention to what my emotions are telling me, I can see my world differently, and often with more beauty and grace.

How about you? Has something been frustrating you lately? Have you been working on something and not getting the results you had hoped for? Why not step back for a moment and consider if you are really solving the right problem, to begin with?